Cougars.

Here lie my thoughts on Cougars:

Don't be fooled by the picture above. Cougars are not charming, friendly, or happy creatures. They are a conniving brand of devil cat. See, cougars take away my God given right to hike in America (like bears, which I may or may not discuss at a later date). They are ambush predators that don't even give you the courtesy of attacking head on. There you are in a beautiful place like Eastern Oregon, enjoying the beautiful American landscape and, before you know it, there is a mouth with razor sharp teeth biting the back of your neck. Fuck that. I am an American, and therefore, I deserve to enjoy the country I call my own. Cougars are entirely un-American. They're like British colonialists that just never let it go. Animals need to eat.. I get it.. and if there really aren't ANY other innocent creatures for them to consume, fine, attack me, but have the god damn decency to be a man and attack me head on. At least then I'll have the ability to show you exactly how American I can be.

Fuck you cougars.

Bees.

Here lie my thoughts on Bees:

I Hate Bees. Every day, I wake up in the morning and I can't figure out why they have to ruin my life. I believe that they may be one of the most selfish creatures in the world (aside from sharks, which we will discuss at a later date). Do I wake up in the morning with the idea that I'm going to do whatever it is that I need to do and that if anyone so much as waves his hand at me, I will cause him physical harm? No. I don't. It's bullshit. Bees are bullshit. If another species (say, a dog) starts touching me, I don't stab it. That's fucked up. I would NEVER do that. Especially if it would in turn kill me. Which brings me to my next point: Suicide is almost always an act of selfishness, which further proves my point that bees are incredibly selfish creatures. It's so frustrating that bees are so necessary to our survival, otherwise I would go on a fervent quest to destroy every god damned one of them.


Come on bees... Get it together.