Don't be fooled by the picture above. Cougars are not charming, friendly, or happy creatures. They are a conniving brand of devil cat. See, cougars take away my God given right to hike in America (like bears, which I may or may not discuss at a later date). They are ambush predators that don't even give you the courtesy of attacking head on. There you are in a beautiful place like Eastern Oregon, enjoying the beautiful American landscape and, before you know it, there is a mouth with razor sharp teeth biting the back of your neck. Fuck that. I am an American, and therefore, I deserve to enjoy the country I call my own. Cougars are entirely un-American. They're like British colonialists that just never let it go. Animals need to eat.. I get it.. and if there really aren't ANY other innocent creatures for them to consume, fine, attack me, but have the god damn decency to be a man and attack me head on. At least then I'll have the ability to show you exactly how American I can be.
Fuck you cougars.
No comments:
Post a Comment